snuffy’s blog

I'm having a small fun project in the pipeline...
Amidst all other companies I'm setting up now, hopefully not taking up too much of my time.. make some extra little $$...

This will be fun :)

I really want to get distracted from too much research & consulting work... finding people to do the jobs wherever possible.... let's see what happens..

At the same time, I seem to get easily pissy lately...
A year of ill health, other misc misfortunes and troubles... sadness, learning....

Somehow my temper wasnt in check.. perhaps I really has turn into a mundane soul..getting cycnical, jaded.
Feeling that only when I'm pissed, nasty people stay away, and I dont get hurt.
Can I feel the dhamma in my life again? the way it did??

I dont feel that my soul is so out of body now,  plugged back into the mundane world.

But, the emotive self is lost, not that its bad, coz the rational one makes decisions based on practicality, for survival in the mundane world,

The desire for nunhood is lost, gone with the wind.

Something's missing, or numb or dead. 

I dont know what to blog anymore..

Okay the serious one

1. Be a better person that I envision myself to be.
2. Cherish every moment in life, give unconditional love and create happiness to friends and family around me
3. To develop wisdom and inner peace: to identify, accept and let go of the things you cant control in life.

4. I need to add one more, is to give unconditional love to myself, love myself more, walk away from ones who would abuse me, does not contribute to the positive energy and attitude

1. Define Problems Anew: A problem is only a problem when there is a solution. Do not waste precious time, energy and emotions on problems that do not have a solution.




2. Drink a Cup of Tea: Relax and let all information about a problem sink into you without being fearful or apprehensive. When the mind is still and free of stress, innovative solutions come from within.




3. All Decisions are Correct and All Outcomes can be Directed: Do not mull over the fact whether your decisions are correct or not. Eventually, all decisions are correct as we must trust ourselves that we can direct the outcome of the decision to our favor.




4. Buddhist Way of Solving Problems: If these 4 principles are at the heart of decision making then problems will be resolved.
   • If there’s no ill-will towards others then the decision is correct.
   • If there’s no selfishness and feelings of what’s in it for me then the decision will work out.
   • If there’s no doubt or delusion behind the decision making then the outcome will be as desired.
   • If there’s no fear in the background of decision making then the outcome will be as desired.

I came across this, while searching for the BF Singapore site.

Probably the meditation thread but Guru Igor/Dev  was too much to digest, and I was getting confused, without the solid foundation of Buddhism, right guidance...

And got lost in the meditation practices..

hence the lost feeling...

now that was talked through..

let's see what comes next

I cannot seem to describe in words, how I truly feel now.

Its almost as if I am the 3rd party observer, watching myself in all the various activities, dis-engaged, rather, detached from the relations.

When work calls, I get plugged back into the mundane world, handling the projects etc. But of late, I could sense my own detachment from work, I watch myself work, but not being fully plugged into it.
Alienation from human beings? Too long in solitude abode? Partial withdrawal from the social circles.

I need to sort myself out, and ask Igor, the Guru, and shed light. This would probably sound really scary to most, the individual spiritual pathway I've embarked on, the feelings and sensations would have been thought of as demonic possessions in the past, or psychotic episodes in today's world. Disconnection with the 'real world'

The past interest I had, in literature, in all arts forms, Chinese calligraphy, painting, concerts, theatrical performances, for cuisine, desserts, the desire, has all diminished.
I seem to lost the desire for alcohol, for drinking, while I can still dance to music, its no longer a must, but I can see myself doing certain activities, to remain part of the normal people, blend into the social circle.

I lost the intense feelings

The psychic cosmic connections I felt recently, was probably stronger than before. Its coming full circle from what I use to feel.

I remember attending the various Taoism meditation with parents as a teenager, and doing Tai Chi as well. At 17 when I 1st visited Taiwan, i felt i was going through De Jevu, as if I've been to these places, which was obviously not true..
This keep repeating itself when I was in collage, but the influence of clubbing life, alcohol, loud music and dancing. This dejavu feeling slowly reduces in frequency.

The episodes of intense feelings, the days in California, there were moments as if I was replaying a video scene.
XQ incident, flashes, then Max, the 1st time I was in the apartment, I felt it strangely familiar, a similar feeling to the past when I was at XQ's place. I guess intuitively I felt there will be something happening between me and him. Though I openly rejected him that night. Subsequently, I knew /could see myself what I was doing. A deliberate decision but it wasnt the intense uncontrollable rush.

I came across an advanced Taoism meditator, my ex teacher's husband, who told me about astral plane projections. But they both converted to Tibetan Buddhism. I use to wonder, if that was bull shitting.  But just because its something which science cant explain, something that normal human beings dont experience, can that be written off as unreal?

All these, stem from reading the meditation thread on ASW, particularly the writings of Igor, very powerful.
As i delve deeper,  it boggles my mind.
As Peter wrote, he could feel the vibrations, energy coming from Igor's writing. the resonance? Is the way I feel attributed to Igor's writing?

 

I met Vivien yesterday for a chat, and she made me realise the reason behind why I always choose not to talk about my job/work etc.
The low self esteem associated with it? The disdain, derogatory that were casted onto me by some other Singaporeans? Partly the competitive intelligence work that I engage in, can and often set people's guard up.
So it takes a lot to put trust and faith in others, and tell them truthfully what I do for a living.

I found a lot more comfort in the ASW community,  for the ASW community has been less judgemental,

The interaction and incident with Max: let me realised the psychological barriers i had, and  I watched myself with the lingering attachment.

Everyone work with their own inner demons. And the people that comes my way, was there for a reason, help me work through the various issues I had, the barriers. I hoped I contributed to theirs as much as they did to mine.

I find that carrying myself the way I would, the right people will fall in my way.
When people want to be with you, need you, they would come to you. I need not go out to seek.
I try to do what I can, whenever needed.

Posting this for the benefit of all, from a meditation & yoga practitioner of many years

According to yogic tradition, there are three different levels of experiences associated with spiritual practices, significant in relation to the progress of the meditator. Metaphorically speaking they form a cone resting on its wide, flat base, with the pinnacle at the very top. The cone stands as a symbolical model made of different levels of energy, with the speed and velocity vibration directly in proportion to the altitude of each wheel.

It could be divided into three levels, corresponding to the assent of our consciousness from the flat level of gross physical awareness (the world of senses), through the subtler regions of astral and karmic (causal) domains. Finally to the top where the vibration is so infinitely high it is beyond comprehension or measure.

Although there is no clear demarcation line between the energy levels, still the experiences fall within the respective level of our psyche-physiological setup. People tend to confuse the later with the former ones for that reason it would be helpful to list them all. All one's experiences vary in accord and with correspondence to each of the stages of one's awareness, thus forming the three main types (of experiences):

1. Physical and psychological ( born of purification of bodily tissues and cells, cleansing of negative emotional experiences, dissolution of psychological stresses, etc. ) Usually manifesting as re-experiencing of an old stagnant pain; a disease being purged out of the body; as an excessive sweating; spontaneous crying or laughing; involuntary movements of the bodily parts; sudden emotional release in any form from elation to depression; tingling sensations on the surface and inside; etc.

2. Psychic or astral and karmic experiences ( signify the process of purification of the subtle body made of psychic wheels, chakras, in other words purification of the nervous system on the subtlest level from previous experiences which have been deeply stored in the subconsciousness ). They often come as the result of the awakening of the subtle energies (various pranas) manifesting in spectacular experiences as divine or demonic visions; visitations of divine entities; traveling to astral planes; out-of-body experiences, including all the range of so-called mystical or paranormal ones. At a more advanced stage one starts to hear subtle sounds and seeing lights of different colours, from red to yellow, to green, to bright white. Those lights however are the lights perceived from different energy centers (chakras).

3. Spiritual or Divine experiences ( are the result of deep purification on all levels, they come when the nervous system is pure enough to receive a fuller impact of Pure Consciousness. The sign of a highly advanced being these experiences however aren't necessarily mark of a highest state, nevertheless they confirm the dawn of Self-realization ) In its ripe state the aspirant is established in the subtlest form of sound which he/she hears constantly deep within his whole being. This sound is no longer the sound of the astral domain but a pure primordial sound of the Matrix - Mother of all sounds - the sound AUM. After traversing different regions of psyche the aspirant is fully immersed in the Light of Pure Consciousness, the intensity of that experience is beyond any forms of expression.

Most people who haven't undergone the full process will insist that there is no objective way to measure individual experiences, yet contrary to that, most esoteric traditions of far remote cultures seemed to agree on the similarity of the highest experience. It is the basic experiences where the widest range is found, simply because at the base of the cone the filed of experience is the widest, and as one goes higher and higher they become more unified. Needless to say at the very top there are no different points of view, but one clear vision of Reality. At the summit, there is no longer the experiencer or the object of experience - everything is merged into the experience of Oneness.

Jai Guru Dev

Just landed in Sofia like an hour ago, checked into hostel, it looks fantastic, some resemblance with motels in the US, 2 storey old house, converted into hostel, but way better than the run down 70s looking US motels, this looks just like an old house, wooden exterior, will try to take some pictures tomorrow!

Totally pooped, dont know why, with ears hurting a litte, meaning "heaty" but left my gua sha dao back in London, no one to gua my back for me either when I'm here.. so....think i'll hafta drink the ge geng liang cha... maybe too much ginseng taken to combat the cold weather, or just the cold air up the plane always make me sick. plus junk food these few days, too much deep fried stuff...

Have not backpacked whole of last year, heck hardly got my butt out of Sg, forgetting how its like to stay in hostel
bunk beds.
Here in Sofia for a night... and will be off to Khazunlak tomorrow. Rose capital of Bulgaria but Rose festival happened 2 weekends ago.. hopefully catch the remaining of the flowers....

Its  a lil exciting to travel to totally new place, and somewhere so different, Jolt my senses..
Really need that to feel alive...

Gonna crash now..

i'm reading your post in London, and the lack of civic mindedness has lead to banning of alcoholic beverages on the tube.
The human race is slowly disintegrating with eroding values and sense of morality, civil behavior.
I thought about that when I rode the tube, rowdy teenagers with no regards for others, and other social phenomenal, hence we see many "laws" being put in place, which should have never been the case, if humans know how to behave like what a proper human being should be! !!

I thought about this while I was riding the Tube, and thought of blogging it down, then read a similar train of thought on BM's blog..